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This is the most personal blog that I have written thus far into my journey. The last few months have been very rough for me and life is just extremely tough and stressful, being an adult is nothing that I thought it would be! This post is going to be about the use of marijuana to combat chronic depression and anxiety, but instead of throwing all facts from the internet and wherever, this is my personal story, so here goes…

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I have been battling this demon called depression for as long as I can remember. In 2013 I finally went to seek some help and I was diagnosed with manic depression which is just a simple term for extreme depression, bipolar, and extreme anxiety. Manic depression is where you get the depression spell but it last for a longer period of time, weeks, and even months maybe. With manic depression come extreme bouts of mood swings that go from extreme depressive lows to manic highs. You get a lot of the effects that come with bipolar disorder, except a manic depressant can experience extensive rage and psychosis (psychotic symptoms). Some things that you may experience in a spell of psychosis is hearing or seeing things that are not there or delusions. This is where being suicidal can become very dangerous, because manic depression resembles schizophrenia some people are often mistakenly diagnosed and the depression goes untreated.

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The Highs. For a manic depressant, a high period can make you feel invincible. You may be full of self-worth and confidence and feel closer to the Lord and be blessed to still be alive.  During a high time, you may also have troubles sleeping at night, a high self-esteem, you may get easily distracted and skip out on school or work. A manic high can also leave you trying risky activities such as engaging in illegal activities or drug use and very poor judgment. The racing thoughts during a high episode can lead you to over-thinking and being irrational about situations that you face. For me, during a high time I am full of racing thoughts, I can’t concentrate, I can’t sleep, can’t eat. The racing thoughts and thinking irrationally has brought me to constantly think that nobody wants me here, that I can’t live life right, so why continue to try?

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The lows. When you experience a low point, the depression symptoms can be very debilitating and if it goes untreated it can and will eventually lead to increased suicidal thoughts and behavior. One major symptom that comes with a manic depression low is the hallucinations and the delusions. You may also have a heightened sense of sadness or anxiety along with horrible feelings of guilt and feeling hopeless. Chronic pain for no known cause is also a main symptom you feel during a low time. The scariest part for me personally during a manic low is the constant thoughts and dreams of death and suicidal thoughts. When I experience a low point, I give up on life and hate everything about it. My relationships suffer during these times, and it is extremely difficult to get people to understand that you don’t act like this on purpose; you can’t control this monster inside of you. You want to escape everything, you want to scream yet nothing comes out. During my lows I always feel so alone and I exile myself and shut out the world, which in turn is dangerous for me because I sink lower and feel like I will never escape, but how do you get people who don’t have this disease to understand? You don’t sadly enough….

The scariest part of this whole disorder…. You can have MIXED EPISIDES! Yes, mixed episodes. During a mixed episode you experience a fucked up mix-up of all the highs and lows, and this can be potentially very dangerous for the person battling the disease because when you feel sad and hopeless and are having suicidal thoughts, but yet you are also feeling a boost of self-confidence and have a lot of energy, one is more likely to go through with hurting themselves or another person.

So how can marijuana help? While the research is far and few in-between as we do more tests, there is actually no research that states marijuana will help combat depression (Only 6% of studies on MMJ look at the medicinal properties). BUT, weed alters the mind, in good ways.  Marijuana depending on the strain can be used as a light sedative in low doses which will then improve your mood. Marijuana leaves a feeling of relief and it is a mild pain-killer it is ten times stronger than your NSAID pain reliever and two times stronger than Oxycodone. Studies that have been done on marijuana have found that THC can have anti-anxiety, hypnotic, and antidepressant affects that will result in one’s mood to improve and their overall well-being. I (obviously) am a habitual smoker. I have to have it in the morning, afternoon, and night and in between. Some may say that I use my disease as an excuse to use marijuana, which is far from the truth. I smoke for a number of reasons, depression is just the tip of the iceberg. Getting high is the last thing on my mind, when I smoke I am taking in a form of medication to help ease the pain and get me through the day. I feel so relaxed and stress-free for hours following after I spark up.

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For the highs, the best buds to try would be anything purple and anything OG. The purple buds (Granddaddy Purp, purple sour diesel) are more potent and would be better used as a sedative. You have to be careful what buds you chose to help combat your illness. All weed is good, but you don’t want to smoke anything that may worsen how you feel. For instance, if you are feeling irritable, can’t sleep, can’t focus, try a sativa strain. Sativa has an uplifting feeling and can also make you more focused. For a low episode, an Indica bud would be the best option. Indica can have a sedation-like feeling after smoking and can leave you feeling relaxed through your whole body (literally), Indica is more of a body high and best for treating pain and anxiety, Sativa is great for treating ADD, depression and fatigue.

For me, 90% of the time I have a mixture of feeling and symptoms from the above listed. If you have not tried a hybrid plant yet to help combat your manic depression, I highly suggest you do. A Hybrid plant is a mix-up of Indica and Sativa and can have a positive snowball effect to help treat all of the symptoms that come with being a manic depressant. Some totally amazing Hybrids you can try that will help are Trainwreck, Pineapple Express, Blue Dream, and the list goes on and on. Marijuana has so many positive benefits, and using it to aid in treating manic depression can have life changing effects (positive of course!)

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